Brighter than Sunshine

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written by owen on 2006-Mar-05.

Standing in the line, I thought. Having easy access to my money is like an apple in the garden. Credit cards are evil. I think automated teller machines have something against me, I really don't know why they keep eating my card. So in order to keep myself in cheque I always join the line in the bank - the tellers are more predictable, like airline hostesses. I can also work on my mental map of the bank layout and the comings and goings of armed couriers. The machine quickly and carefully will eat my access card without even a shred of warning, beeping and looking at me funny too. It must have sensed my urgency - need to withdraw. I spend most of my time playing around with computers but yet have I witnessed a [em]spawn of satan so wretched[/em]. If it were not for the fact that it was embedded into the wall I would tip it over and hit it with a garbage bin until it gave me what I was due. Getting that card back from customer services is a pain, I still haven't been back for it since it was abducted 10 months ago.

Women that work in banks are a specific breed. You might think that they are born bad-tempered or aggressively assertive, But in fact it is a process that develops over a undefined period of co-existing with each other in a confined space with tinted glass, millions of dollars in cash and coin. If you spend enough time in a maze like line made out of dividers as I have, you begin to understand why they are the way are when you meet them outside of their natural environment. They often start out as interns or slaves. Then as they earn enough money to buy make-up, they move up in the rankings. Some will quickly gain power while others will forever be asking their supervisor to verify my signature. I pray that I don't get the new girl. You can tell when a teller is new especially when they look at you as if your trying to pass off a fake US dollar cheque then I'm like "yeah, OK, I'll wait". I should have shaved, this morning.

The non-tellers in the background behind the glass walking around counting money or bringing sheets of paper from one side of the building to the other, as if they are building some sort of fire - somewhere - secretly. On some fridays they have a jeans and t-shirt day but it really does nothing for the under paid interns who can't afford makeup. The interns will eventually step up though, get sharper clothes and designer glasses which they can use to make themselves look older and more professional on the job but in fact they are nothing but crumbs on the table. The real movers and shakers are behind the tinted glass up stairs and they will fire an intern the second he or she loses a dollar. At the end of the day everything is checked, balanced, weighted and tallied if everybody follows protocol it goes smoothly and they live to take your money another day.

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  1. I hate when the ATM eats my card.....and the torture I have to go through to replace it

    by Charles 2006-Mar-05 

  2. Charles you have no idea of the torture I had to go through

    by owen 2006-Mar-05 

  3. i hate the banks. they use your money for so much and give you such a small return. fuck 'em.

    by michael_halvorsen 2006-Mar-05 

  4. I hate lines! I hate being subjected to bank hours. So I use my credit card and ABM cards and avoid the hassle. With these cards you just have to exercise selfcontrol.

    I do enjoy engaging some of the hot tellers in meaningless conversations and admiring them as they walk by behind the counter.

    by stunner 2006-Mar-06 

  5. "to keep myself in cheque" - haha! if only we could tell if it was your ninja wit, or your bad english x). "pour geneios", as they say ;-).

    by tristan 2006-Mar-06 

  6. @michael calm down I sure you would do the same thing

    @stunner haha, yeah there is this hot little indian/coolie chick at my bank. I'm going to change banks when she gets married. So untouchable, man I wish I was in her circle.

    @tristan I only use my ninja wit on special occasions. oh and there is this podcast called "ask a ninja" on itunes. sweet. check it out.

    by owen 2006-Mar-06 

  7. Man, I just got done telling this white cop who called me a coolie that it was impolite of him to have done so. He didn't understand, so I excused him, but Owen, c'mon... Indian, my yute, Indian.

    I mean, if you go around calling the poor woman "Coolie" its no wonder you can't get into her circle.

    by Mad Bull 2006-Mar-06 

  8. my humblest apologies mb, the words have failed me. It was totally not used in a derogatory sense but I get what your saying.

    by owen 2006-Mar-07 

  9. never had my card eaten--my bank just slaps me with fees on top of fees so that by the time my pay check comes, the whole thing is gobbled up by my negative balance.

    re derogatory--sometimes it's not just what you say but how/when you say it though. Once in May Pen Market I heard a boy on a handcart calling to an Indian woman just like that, "Indian, Indian". I was only visiting from the States so maybe I took it wrong but I was so offended on her behalf. Why could't he say "Miss"?

    by Gods Child 2006-Mar-09 

  10. @gc I don't know, I guess it how you where brought up and whether the person he was calling was actually miss. Banks just love fees.

    by owen 2006-Mar-09 

  11. card got ate by a machine once and i was in there for like 5 mins looking at the machine like seriously dont do this.. after a few more mins it started clicking i hit the side and out it came. atm machines are my life i hate banks. "paranoia... i feel its gonna be robbed when i'm there" :(

    by death_knight 2006-Mar-16