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  1. spam! mainly viagra, but sometimes anti-virus software...

    by tristan 2005-Nov-05 

  2. A married couple is lying in bed one night.

    The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.

    As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her down below.

    He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.

    The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

    The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"

    His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay."

    The husband says, "No, not at all."

    His wife asks angrily,
    "Well, what the hell were you doing then?"

    "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."

    by owen 2005-Nov-05 

  3. >>
    >>here's a short joke....
    >>A little boy asked his father " Daddy, how was I born?"
    >>Dad responds, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find
    >>out
    >>anyway. So here goes.
    >>Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
    >>MSN.
    >>Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
    >> > >>cyber-cafe.
    >>Then we sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to
    >>a
    >>download from my hard drive. As I was uploading, we both
    >>discovered that
    >>neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late
    >>to hit the
    >>delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-up appeared
    >>and
    >>said:
    >> > >> >'You've got Male'
    >>

    by owen 2005-Nov-08 

  4. A Young Jamaican Yute"

    A young Jamaican yute, Errol, asks his step-dad for some help.

    He says, "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His step-father looks up thoughtfully, and says, "Mek mi show yuh. Go ask yuh muddah if she would sleep with Beres "Hammond fi one million dollar. Next, ask your sister if she would sleep with Beres Hammond fi >one million dollar. Then go ask yuh brudah if he would sleep with Beres Hammond fi one million dollar. Then come back and tell me what yu fine out."

    The yute is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his stepfather means. He asks his mother, "Mammy if someone gave you a m illion dollars would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell yuh poopah, but yes, I would."

    Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His sister looks up and says, "Cho! Him kinda old still but wid de amount a clothes mi coulda buy definitely me wudda give him a grine!"

    Then he goes to his brother's room and asks him, "Hey bro, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His brother thinks about it for a minute and says, "Fyah bun fi dem ting deh but fi a million bucks, I suppose I would. Just one time duh".

    Errol goes back to his stepfather and says, "Poopah mi tink mi figured it out! Potentially, wi sittin on tree million dollars, but in reality, wi ah live wid two skettel an ah battyman."

    by owen 2005-Nov-08 

  5. A guy is walking down the street, sees a beautiful woman
    with a very short skirt, approaches her and says, "My word, you're
    hot!!! I've GOT to make it with you! I can't help myself and no matter
    what, I've GOT to have you!"
    The woman is very shocked and asks him, "What!?
    HERE? In the middle of the street!?"
    The guy answers, "I've got to have you now! So I'll
    make you an offer.
    I'll drop $500 on the sidewalk and, while you're
    picking it up, I will do everything I want. OK?" The lady seems to be
    in
    intense thought.
    Then she calls her friend. She tells her friend the
    story, looking for some advice. The friend says, "It's no big problem.
    When he drops the money, you pick up the $500 fast, and he won't
    even
    have time to get his fireman out of his pants before you finish
    picking it
    up. Just take the money and run!"
    The next day, the friend sees the woman walking like
    an old woman.
    The friend asks, "What happened to you!?" The woman
    answers nervously,
    "That son-of-a-b*tch dropped $500 in 20 cent coins!"

    by owen 2005-Nov-08 

  6. "sexually explicit"--seriously that's what's in the subject line.

    by Gods Child 2005-Nov-11 

  7. I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
    following

    reasons:

    I do physical labor;

    I work at great depths;

    I plunge head first into everything I do;
    I do not get weekends or public holidays off;
    I work in a damp environment;
    I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation;
    I work in high temperatures;
    My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


    THE RESPONSE:
    Dear Penis:

    After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
    raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

    You do not work 8 straight hours;

    You fall asleep after brief work periods; You do not always follow orders of the management team;

    You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations;
    You do not take initiative. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working;
    You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift;
    You don't always observe necessary safety requirements, such as wearing the correct protective
    clothing;
    You will retire well before you are 65;
    You are unable to work double shifts;
    You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task...........(And if that were NOT ALL)
    You have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

    by Breakspeare 2005-Dec-05 

  8. A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks
    into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He
    orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the
    bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.

    While he's in there, the husband tells the wife:
    "Listen, this guy's an
    escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably
    spent lots of time in
    jail and hasn't seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he
    wants sex, don't resist. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
    This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he kill us. Be strong
    honey. I love you!"

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in
    my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had
    any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

    by Breakspeare 2005-Dec-05 


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