written by owen on 2005-May-29.
I have grown increasingly suspicious of the fast food joint at the mall close to where I live. Where are they getting all that chicken from? They have no delivery entrance. I have yet to see a van pull up and unload a new batch chickens. When does it happen? Late at night, under a full moon by ninjas? I wonder if they are secretly growing chickens in the basement. I have been there before - you can see all the way to the back of the single-story building. You cannot hide anything anywhere in there so a basement chicken farm isn't possible.
Then there is the "star trek theory" - instantaneous atomic chicken actualization. You put some atoms in, push a few buttons and "whaala" a new, perfect chicken appears right on the spot - this also explains why fast food ALWAYS TASTES EXACTLY THE SAME. But no, they could not keep such an impressive piece of technology a secret for too long, not with so many starving children in Iraq. I know corporations are sneaky but not THAT sneaky.
My next logical assumption would be that there exists a series of inter-connected-underground tunnels between each fast-food outlet. Tunnels through which they can maintain a constant supply of chicken and little plastic packets of tomato ketchup. The truth is out there.