written by owen on 2005-May-23.
When buying pants you never really know what your going to get. Unless of course your lucky enough to have a constant supply of designer clothes. Custom built by JLO herself in a sweaty factory in the Bronx. If not, then your looking at a world of a random, assorted puzzles and metal detectors. Usually I forget which size to buy but the sizes don't mean anything anyway - you have to try it on, lower yourself to THIER LEVEL!
Such a life changing task requires hours pacing, starring around the room like a shoplifter or a lost child, helplessly looking at tags. It is not an easy task at all, making a mistake at the point before you buy could spell utter doom and damnation for generations to come. You cannot leave once you have entered, passed THAT POINT OF NO RETURN. You are doomed. DOOMED like that fantastic 4 movie.
You finally settle for one, what you want is never there. You cannot buy one however, YOU MUST BUY THREE. If only to save 20%, there is logic to it, somewhere. Usually one of the attendants rushes towards you trying to earn a commission off you misery. While encouraging you to buy something else, something in a color that you would never wear outside, like G-unit - not without a gun and some mace.