People like to talk about how all good things come to those who wait. Like car loans and health insurance. But they avoid talk about all the bad things - the unspeakable - duppies under their beds, rolling calves. We take comfort in hoping for the good things in live without reminding ourselves that we are floating on a big rock flying through space. Or maybe even the world is totally flat because if you look into it no one can really independently truth the facts eitherway. Relying on the good you know is just another thing that helps you sleep well at night but it does not help much of you do not watch out for the doors and corners. Because thats where they get you.
It is easier for someone from my old highschool to recognize me than it is for me to recognize them. I sometimes get a glimmer but most times I will not remember your name or where exactly I know you from. One person said I have distinctive features that makes my face easy to remember. I am not sure. I think during that time my main obsessions were MarioKart64, passing my exams and trying not to get beat up by bullies. Remembering people's names was never one of my strong suits. Plus in the later years of CXC everyone was rushing to figure out what they were going to do after high school and it appeared that the sky was falling. But personally I did not care much.
I am always working on something. Constantly thinking about one of the many pet projects that I have on the back burner or the front burner or in the microwave - whatever. It is one of the reasons I avoid lists, reunions, whatsapp and things that take pride in consuming my time or put me into some kind of danger. Aint nothing nobody can do with me. Even with that said I am never busy. Being busy is a state of mind. I may appear busy but it is a case where, at the base level, I am consumed with the things I love. It is the way we get by. If you are not doing the thing you love then you need to stop.
It all begs the question of whether you can love something so much that you let it kill you; reach into your soul and expose you to a hell that you cannot climb out of? Sea of water in a glass from which you cannot drink. It is some kind of obsession or flaw in the human state. The pursuit for the external is never ending. A rabbit hole that is a lifetime deep. A tree that touches the clouds. Does it matter? No one knows. The answer is blowing it the wind.
I had to give my long time barber instructions last Sunday because he kept under cutting my hair. I do not like him enough to want to see him every weekend. So I do not get why he insists on leaving so much hair on my head when I am clearly not trying to grow an afro. As soon as I go to bed my hair girl goes wild and its like I never went to the bar. I had to put a stop to it. I do not care if his kids go hungry.
This is my first entry for 2019. I have so much to do this year that I do not know if I will survive. If you got money I want some. All I can do is hope, pray and keep writing I guess. One thing is certain; hell is deep and wide.
You will see me at your Christmas party, partaking in the free catered food. Any other night I would be fast asleep in my bed but I can only exist in a single space and one country at anyone time. It has to do with physics or something . Everything else is relative; memories and dreams existing only in our heads. The only thing real are the "feels" you have right now. Of course I have been here before - not exactly the same but similar.
I dance in a corner. Or sit in the open where I can see the most people. The thickest of the herd. I never go onto the dance floor except to appease those who want to give me a courtesy wine.? Click me finger gal a go roll wid me. Said dem want to stroll wid me. Said dem fall in love wid me. I am the guy hanging out behind the bar drinking smirnoff ice vodka. Yeah, yeah, yeah, ha, ha, ha.
I have to call someone in the morning to give them money for patties. I have no idea why people overseas miss patties over every other thing from Jamaica. Things like potholes and random thunder storms. Dancehall and reggae. Bulla and cheese. Dream weekend. Ravers and chromas. Shine yeye gal. Christmas parties and bonuses that are never quiet enough to do what you wanted to do.Like sand through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.
Whenever I go to a new city I seek out the old stone. I marvel at it and wonder how long it has been there and where it came from. How many dogs have walked by and peed on its side. Old stone and old buildings are timeless like the pyramids of Egypt. No matter what you are going through or what keeps you up at night all you have to remember is that old stone. That old stone will always be there. Like time itself. Feeling the heat of the sun, the cold night, the weight of gravity and the push of time.
My wisdom tooth is acting up and I asked the dentist if it is trying to kill me. He said no and proceeded to recommend some procedures but I prefer to avoid major surgery unless its absolutely necessary. We are all flawed. Some of us in painful ways. It has its times. The dentist says I should recover in a couple days unless I do not. Then who knows, "dentistry is not an exact science" - as noted in the EULA that I had to sign before I saw him. lol. Go forth into the night.
I am currently working on moving web hosts, writing a dashboard tool, in between projects. This website has allot of stuff even though it is only 2.5 gigs in total. The main challenge with websites and computers in general is figuring out the right process. You cant really rush through all the time. You can but I would not encourage it. And if anyone tells you that technology is the future they are are lying.
No man is a island - rings true to me more than anyone else that I know. Everyone lives in their own world with their own custom version of calculus. A slightly tinted version of reality and physics. Carrying nothing but feelings for years and years. Trapped in their bodies. All watching the same television but getting different a interpretation of what they see. All I can do is hope for the best outcome. It is important to me that the people are living their best life but one is never sure. Sometimes the forest is thick with leaves.
I will certainly avoid anything that puts me in?to any kinda of uncomfortable situation. The payoff does not even matter if the journey is full of choas, trials and tribulations. Ignorance is only bliss if you never find out what hit you. While if you figure stuff out early at least you can skip some of the traps with the comfort of knowing that it could always be worse.
I finally got the new tires I needed. No more rolling around wobbling because of flat spots on my old tires. One less "old car" issue on the checklist of issues that can easily be resolved without major work. On to the next thing. Cars are expensive to maintain and buying a new one is often like switching brown dog for black puss. Or blass puss for brown dog depends on how you look at it. Most people will only tell you half the story because misery likes company. And we tend to remember the good times and forget the headaches in between.