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Logbook ( page 69 )

Odes to my coy mistress. Metaphysical poetry updated weekly. New entry

Virtual Insanity

written by owen, published 2020-May-10, comment

Working from home is like a whole new level of boring. A level of that I not sure how long we can keep up. People invite me to Xoom meetings that I forget about. Luckily I have a second office that only has one door versus my main office with has 4 doors + an elevator. The work from home apocalypse has come in full force. The lack of traffic is nice but but it does not help much to drive fast only to end up at a place that has 50 people lining up at the entrance in the hot sun. This early summer holiday is driving me crazy and its has not rained in weeks.

I have separate projects that I work on at home - sometimes for hours at a time. These home projects are more complicated than the stuff I do at work. This makes the stuff I at home more fun because I can take more risks and leave it in the oven for longer times. So far everyday feels like a Friday and I am not sure why because I know its not Friday but it FEELS like Friday.

The older I get I realize that it is uneventful to talk about being happy. It is almost as if happiness is some sort of expensive cologne waiting to be knocked off the top of a high furniture, then crash on the hard floor of a life well wasted. People love drama, so we move from drama to drama looking for someone with which to share it.

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Grace

written by owen, published 2020-Apr-04, comment

Often times people will try to catch me "mid-process" and be like "ahh ha caught you slipping!" Then be annoyed when I try to explain why I did what I did instead of something else. They will think I am merely coming up with an excuse. But in truth I have the ability to stop anything I am doing and shift focus to something else in an instant - to leave thing undone - live and let die. So to someone who is watching me keenly from the outside, this is nerve racking. Like driving without know if you are going crash. It is really hard to calculate why I would do or not do something that I had already started. While in my mind there are so many leaves in the tree and trees in the forest and little monkeys in those trees eating fruit. You have to learn to let go.

My surface area is pretty thin. Mostly by choice but it could also be destiny or luck or devine intervention or whatever - everything changes because it must. It could be a great irony and I am the star of the show. Even if you think its real it could change at any point. This is how life is - you just have to move forward with time and learn from your mistakes. Try to keep everything in line. Grace might have brought us here.

People often ask if I am nervous and I want to say to them that I only feel that way when someone like me gets murdered. But people would rather hear the simple answers to the obvious questions. People want you to play out the movies that they watch on television - they want the fiction to be real. Maybe they do not care about reality or reality is too boring. Maybe we get together to forget.

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Little L

written by owen, published 2020-Mar-12, comment

Anyone who knows me knows that April is both the best month and worse month. In fact all months are pretty much the same but April is like peak oil or climate change - you just never know until its right up on you then it passes until it comes around again. But like all unavoidable the pressures that other people put on your own desire to free yourself from mental slavery - you simply must push through and resist the coming end of the world. But no Ebola can stop di scoa. We going to have to have jump in our gas masks and sweat off the fever. The Olympics must happen!

Whenever I tell people that I "almost" crash at least 4 times a day during my commute across Kingston they look at me puzzled as if I am driving in some kinda warzone or somewhere different from where they live. But the reality is that people tend to filter out the risks that they take on a daily bases and would rather focus on pleasantries that they used to enjoy as a child. Plantain tarts, your mom rubbing your back when you had a cold. We all live under ground.

The older I get I realize that it is uneventful to talk about being happy. It is almost as if happiness is some sort of weakness or expensive cologne waiting to be knocked of the top of a high piece of furniture only to then crash on the hard floor of a life well wasted. People love drama, so we move from drama to drama looking for someone to blame.

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The less you know the better

written by owen, published 2020-Feb-27, comment

At this point in my life being neither famous nor rich I can still enjoy the ability to sit in an open plaza or pricemart and not be recognised. It is a wondrous feeling to just exist. A feeling that is hard to explain. As I sit and watch other people go about their lives I ponder what kind of curtains they have in their home. Or the appointment they might have later in the afternoon. I need to remember to buy an icebox.

Being in the moment is not a simple act of letting things go. It takes years of preparation and calculation. It is impossible to simply exist in a dynamic environment. Existence requires occupying some amount of space and time. Which causes conflict between fickle humans. No 2 things cannot occupy the same space at the same time so there is a constant need to shift things around. All this movement requires energy. Anno everybody ago like you.

Eventually I have to get back in to the flow of time. Nothing escapes the flow of time. All I can do is put energy towards planning my next move and calculating the moves of everyone else including the planets and the sun. There is alotta stuff out there. Alotta stuff to avoid.

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Zen commented: Good reflection. That's right. You might try some Zen. ... read more

Arabella

written by owen, published 2020-Feb-06, comment

I was on my way to the ATM when I skipped over a 5$ coin on the ground. Was about to double back for it when the lady came out of the ATM and smiled. I went into the ATM and the cash got stuck in the top of the opening. With quick thinking I yanked at the bills like a bank robber, shifting them until I could free them all before the door slammed back down. Apparently the machine divided up the change into too many bills that could not fit through the opening. If I had been a second slower I would be in a world of annoyance. By the time I was done I saw the ATM security guard quickly grabbed up my 5$ coin and stuffed it in his pocket.

I need to book an appointment a new appointment for the dentist before my wisdom tooth starts to flare up again. Anyway I am out. Every time I go to the dentist she tries to convince me to come back to get cavities refilled and I tell her that I have a fear of dentist and she tries to convince me that its not going to hurt and I look to the corner of the room until she stops talking.

When you are like me you do not want to have too many fun things to work on. If I end up having 2 fun things to work on I will naturally take the fun-er route because obviously why would I spend my current time working on something less fun when I have a valid excuse to work on something else? It is hard to really determine what I will find fun because I am working on so many things at the same time.

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Tami commented: Never see money and walk past it ever! I also used to have a fear of dentists until I went to a dentist in Cross Roads. They aren't rough and I happily make my appointments to get a cleaning or filling if needed. ... read 1 more