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Logbook ( page 1 )

Odes to my coy mistress. Metaphysical poetry updated weekly. New entry

All you want

written by owen, 9 days ago

At times do you ever wonder if you are living someone else's life? Like you are supposed to be somewhere else instead of where you are now? Or maybe you fear that you are not yet strong enough to live that life. It does not matter. All that matters is monkeys and trees and water. Everything else is just a filter. You are already what you are going to be.

I have been posting a lot recently. Trying to make up for an entire year of slack and distraction, death and despair. I have not been getting many comments though but I am still irie. I do it for the love, not the likes. Well it could be a bug in the code that I may have missed and no one has gual to tell me about it because they fear that they may come off as stupid for asking question. News flash: there are not stupid questions - only stupid answers.

My Christmas budget is over run and its only like day 20. I am pretty much done and I hear a croaking sound in the front end that I fear to call the mechanic about. I just have to be strong and survive until at least January. But the future is yet unwritten all I can do is sit wait. No need to be complacent. You can dance, you can jive having the time of your life but I am taking it easy.

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If It Makes You Happy

written by owen, 20 days ago

I will not be able to spend the last weeks of the year in the cold of the country because I have to work. Working through Christmas has always annoyed me to the core which is why I retreat from the hustle and bustle and the temptation to over spend to sweep leaves under a tree with no one around. Return to my used to be playground from whence cometh my health, my health cometh from the Lord.

My life is in constant conflict with perspective, past, and present. I rely on people being themselves a lot, probably too much. I assume that everyone is being their best selves at all times, doing exactly what they want to do at that very moment in time. And if not exactly then they are waiting for their moment if satisfaction tom come in short order before the world falls away. One might be playing all the angles, checking the odds or passing time. But whatever it is at that moment in time that is you - at least in my mind.

Once someone loses faith there is no going back. Wash in your old bath water. But then again faith is a matter of perspective and you have no control over which way it may go. As the world turns. Tomorrow never dies. Change is constant like Sunday morning, everything just keeps turning. What you think and how it actually is, are not the same thing but what does it matter? How you feel is drives our illusions.

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Such Great Hieghts

written by owen, Sat, 25th Nov

Cars are constantly moving towards chaos like sand on a beach. No matter how much you wash them or take care of them they are slowly trying to separate into little pieces. Right now I have break disc wobble and I will either have to get the disks skimmed or replaced. Maintenance is something that will always be necessary unless you can afford to buy a new car every few years.

Human beings are very short sited by nature. Naturally. I myself will choose (more times than not) short term dis-satisfaction over long ambiguity. Cause nothing really last forever. Whether it be good or bad, the pendulum always swings because it has to. There is no other way. Riding the breaks. You have to give up some things to live. And everything you get takes away something else. Whether you know it or not we are not special, we are not machines. No one is perfect. Today, right now is both the best days and the worst of days and only for a time and forever.

So this is where I am. For the first time in a long time I am going to have to work through Christmas. Things change I guess. I am off schedule and have probably lost my way. But you gots to do what you gots to do. After all in the end the only things that matter are the things you give away.

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Poker

written by DLBG, Wed, 22nd Nov

The game of poker. One that requires skill, strategy and the very important ability to give no signs of what hand you have been dealt. The making of the poker face, perfected out of necessity in a personal and professional war room. It serves so many purposes, I could go on and on. Frankly I hate it. I’ve always thought the greatest thing on the planet is to truly express every thing as you feel it. But alas everything must be carefully planned and executed on time with the right resources and never letting your opponent ever have clue about anything until the very moment.

Done so easily and without thought. The display of blankness leaving your opponent completely clueless and at your knees. Waiting….. Waiting….. For your carefully planned flick of a switch. Human robotics.

Why? It’s safeguard and great safe-fail, designed to have minimal disruption or harm in the event of a failure. And of course you sit and watch the play for failure so very often. All the while knowing that this long game of strategy for which you’re fully equipped to wait it out. But there is hardly a win and failing fast is the least painful. A quick brush and a forgotten bruise. Taking too long to fail leads to painful consequences. But there must be a win. Why play the game if there isn’t. Like the lottery, when you win it’s big.

So I step out on to a new planet, leaving the suit and armor on earth where it belongs. It has no place here. Everything is done in reverse except for that well served play that’s non-negotiable.

There is an enormous knot in the pit of the stomach, sometimes leading to immense joy and at other times a nervousness born out of vulnerability. A quandary that only happens to the exposed. No poker face? Naked!

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Beautiful Words

written by DLBG, Wed, 22nd Nov

There is something magical about words and their ability to convey deep meaning, affection and everything that affects the human race. Nicely packaged or rawly thrown. That’s not a real world by the way but yet that’s the wonderful part. New words are made everyday.

I tried it. I went out naked in the sea. Lightening struck, it was beautiful but I could see the danger lurking beneath its beautiful waves. Amazing power and prowess. So easy to lose yourself in its glow. Get dressed, you can’t be out here naked. You’ll get hurt like you’ve never been before.

I put on my dress and armor and look at its delightful glow from a distance, loving it so deeply but never forgetting its power.

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owen commented: words are memories frozen in time. ... read more

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