The older I get the less I like this time of year. For more reasons than one but it symbolises the beginning of the start of the gradual tumble towards my next birthday. It's a "here we go again" period where we all watch home alone 2 then do things that other people want to do again instead of interesting new and out of season things. The season rules us.
I am either creating new stuff or I am enhancing something old. Little by little. It is no longer enough for me to be happy and entertained. I need new dimensions. And if something doesn't work out I just pick up and move on to the next objective because nothing is set in stone. Everything is a give and take. A win or lose. All I have to do now is push out my start of year stuff - hopefully faster than last year.
A KFC line is a special meeting place of Jamaicans of all walks of life. I often wonder why everyone is here - what drives people to subjugate themselves to this infinite stream of chicken. 8 out of 10 times I will join the line instead of the drive-through because I just prefer to waste as little as possible while doing nothing. Plus you never know what long lost relative you will meet or who you will see in the KFC line. Its just better, its suffering.
You will never catch me saying something like "from 2 summers ago". That concept of time is simply too far from my consciousness nowadays because I live in a constant state of doom for the crosses that will come along in the future. There is so much work to do but so little time to do it all. So I try to stay chill and use my energy to produce as much as I can. If I am not passionate about something I will probably put it off to a later date.
I bought a timex expedition solar scout. Main reason is because I am hoping that it lasts the 10 years that they say on the box. It recently popped into my mind that my current chronograph watch might need a new battery soon, and I figure that I should just buy something more practical and simple. I don't remember what led me down the path of solar watches but I am here now. An automatic watch would be cooler but they are much more expensive. Single hand analog watch - look it up - it will blow your mind.
The new watch has a very loud tick which I knew before buying it. I need to post a review on amazon. I love reading amazon reviews. The AI reviews are trash. AI is just another pie in the sky tech. Read the article I wrote like 50 years ago. But in case this changes "AI reviews love reading on amazon". You only hear the tick if the room is very very quiet, It ticks like a wall clock. The tick is growing on me. I will buy a nato strap for it at some point,
There is a growing movement of dis-illusionists that seem to think that there are things that exist in time and space that are purely advantageous. At first I thought on my use of the term "dis-illusion" or "disillusionment", thinking that I may have chosen the wrong term to describe a mindset of excessive and often reckless "positivity". But as I spin the word around in my head it becomes more evident that the problem is not positivity in-it-self. The problem might be the act of thinking that the "next thing" is 98% better than the current thing. And that simply moving from one state to another is enough to solve the current problem.
Actually, there maybe no better state. The possibility exists that we may be swapping a brown dog for a black puss in a bad. One never knows. The critical mind would look deeper and ponder if they what truly matters is that which is being said or what is left unsaid is what in the end - truly matters. Nothing matters but still you have to do something. Something must be done but what?
I was going to write this as a full on article but I do not want to belabour the point. Everything has a disadvantage whether you choose to see it or not. It might be looking you in the face or it might be in the back of your mind. But it is there, it has to be there because such is the nature of reality. You have to be cruel to be kind. But do not fool yourself in the ignorance. You have to learn from your past so that you do not repeat it. And if you chose to repeat it; you do so armed with both eyes wide open.
I don't take advice very well as I get older. Maybe because I spend so much time figuring out things by myself. I assume that you are just repeating something off the top of your head without deep analysis of the context. I am constantly evaluating the edges of the road as I drive along. New content presented often is something that I have already thought about. Especially because most people stick to popular or safe topics that are in the center lane.
You would have to be a seriously thorough person to shape my line of thinking. I spend so much time thinking about the edges and context. So in turn the common repeated topics are quickly evaluated. They are the potholes I drive past everyday. Even when they get patch I remember them lurking.
I rarely learn new things. Like totally new. Like why Zebras are black and white. It appear that Zebras are black horses with black hair and the white sections are pigment free. I also exist in a state where I know exactly the limits of my domain with hints of possibilities. The ever present chaos and the lure of the green horizon. I have everything I need it's the things that you want that get you into trouble.
I am just here chilling getting old along with everyone else. I have no idea what tomorrow may bring. I just hope for the best while I consider if this is the best point in time to go to the microwave to heat my food. Or should I wait another minute. Is there ever a right time? There is never a right time. Time is a constant battle even though I consume it like train with no breaks.
We will not know what is keeping you up all night unless you tell us. It is best you pray heaven can stop you before you fall into a life of crime. Another doctor's bill, a lawyer's bill. Another cute cheap thrill. Everything is as it should. You have got to enjoy the ride. I keep saying this because I mean it. I might forget to say it when I meet you which is why I write it down because I cannot ride and whistle.
Some things come with time. You can only be at one place at a time so it puts certain constraints on what you can know. Or what you can experience. Your view of the world is limited to the space you can inhibit. Though you may be several places and experience alot over the span of time you invariably "end up" at one place. A shifting and continuous place that is in the now. The ever present. The glimmer of the past in the back of your head is only that.