Logbook » Something
written by owen, published 2007-Mar-04, comment
I don't know sunshine, I'm your fool, your great and wonderful and weird and such a positive, loving person, that it scares me sometimes. I don't have words. Because you amaze me in so many ways. I feel that I'm going to be so lost in the moment, I'm going to want more of you, more than you can give me and I'm going to lose hold of everything that I have. Forever lost in the moment. Plummeting towards the earth like a falling bird. We'll get lost, but you'll recover and go back to your normal life and I'll be left hanging on - wanting more, needing more, feeling as if I've been cursed, drifting out into space with no hope of coming back from your high, my high. At some point behind all the colors is black and white.
I guess my friends are right, my life is for rent. I get into these relationships with unavailable women so that I can taste the love but never deal with the consequences. Never having it all for my own. I ask for too little. I'll play along and then break away as soon as everything starts to hold together. Or I'll make sure to be distant and not create standards which I would be required to maintain. Keep it at a constant, steady, casual flow until it either simmers out or she hates me or her bubble bursts. Avoiding the real issue, living too much in the moment, like a monkey, avoiding anything that may result in me falling, loving and all those other illogical things that happen where there is no gravity. Keeping my feet on the ground. I know this now, you were my lesson I had to learn. Nothing I have is really mine, so I deserve anything I get. I never complain. I'm getting tired of starting again, somewhere new.
I cannot remember what I was thinking when I was basking in your glow. You were having an effect on me. But its not so bad, you fill me with glee and its hard to rub off. I miss it, I long for it, and when it wears off I search for more. And the more I get the faster it disappears and the more I want it back and the more I lose track of the time. My planet will drift dangerously into your path, get burnt up and then get flung into the cold depths of outer space. Things will never be the same. We both knew what we were getting into. Your heart is not open so I must go. When you prayers are not fables let me show you how much I care. It seems such fun until you lose what you have won. Thanx.
