I haven't been the same since I went to that beach, far, far away. The hot sand beneat my feet, wind in my hair. It started to get to me, prudence was never my clean suit, I had to get out. Cream and bastards. I am at the point where people keep asking what makes me special, what stars direct my faith, the circle on which I run about. Wanting me to sell myself like a lady of the night. Quixotic about this thing called reality. Malcontent, a ghost in a shell. Truth is, I really never saw myself as special in anyway, I enjoy the madness, we are all the same, just doing enough to get by. I see myself as a product of my environment, the fifth car in a train wreak. Hey Jude. Each person I know bringing me closer an closer to perfection. Each being a part of my puzzle, having a specific purpose. I am never the same unless you are there.
I love my mother. She brings forth the supplication. I went to the dentist, only because it will give me pain, something to write about. Last time I was there 6 years ago, he left my teeth in a state of unrest. I'll be fine as long as somebody takes me home - everynow and then. The price doubled to 4000 JMD and the pain somewhat reduced to random miscalculations of her air powered tool of pain. Now the student had become the teacher. The feeling like I had a stroke as I lost control of my jaw muscles, a combination of water and saliva ran down my cheeks, unto my neck as she pressed my head against her breast.
Its hard for me to define myself. I'm somewhere between unsure and a hundred. Its like asking a tomato why its red or why the sun shines and then explodes. There is only so many words we can say; hello, goodbye. You asking me will my love grow? I don't know, I don't know. I'm a revolving door.
Stunner commented: "wind in my hair", when since you have long hair? lol! [smile]
I had a female dentist once with woderfully sized breasts, I totally enjoyed going to the dentist that time just to feel her breasts on my head and she was quite pretty too! But she left and I don't know where she went...[sigh] [sad] ... read 2 more
I started walking. By the time I realised, it was too late. I had nothing to do and had ended up on a beach in Negril surrounded by white people reading Harry Porter - foreign people are much more fun in their home country. Red Stripe still 100 dollars. I could not fight the feeling anymore. I had come down with a case of "infinite beach" syndrome.
It happens, like most things in life when you are left unamused at a unenclosed beach. I wonder off like a 5 year child at a supermarket. Kartel clusterfuck. Except with the lack of structure my mind erupts with a wave of endless possibilities. I go into a state of euphoria, there was nothing left in the whole wide world - just me, the beach and people baking in the sun. All the best things in life are free. The beach had to be concurred, wrinkle free.
An hour, 3 topless women, 1 nude man, 10 hotels and 4 miles later I ended up at a dock, with sea gulls and a big white boat called "Wild Thing". My calves hurting, the snickers were melting in my pocket. The return trip always shorter because you've seen it all before, never save anything for the swim back. I was done, the beach ended and I was still alive.
As of late I have been eating food - in the food court using late meal vouchers, getting there around the same time, late at the night. Facading my facades. The interesting thing about food courts is that it is always filled with people of some kind. People that you will see only if you go there at that time, that second, its like monkeys in the wild or tulips in the spring. And they are not there for the food. It is a place that they were meant to be, if destiny is kind. Death and taxes. Now if someone tells you that the Chinese food at Little Tokyo is good, make sure you ask them if its really Chinese - not some foreign country which happens to have "Chinese like" people that cook. I began to worry when I asked for chicken and she said "which chicken?". Chewy. Too many choices.
In the food court there will be cults of people. You have the mid-week daters who have nothing better to do than the same things they do every week, except this time with other people. The people who cannot cook and prefer to eat among strangers - every once in a while. The student group who are still polite and have the dreamer's disease. The laptop users who are just there for the free internet. The old couples discussing the blue color that results when you put the thing in the toilet water - watch the stars fall silent. The janitorial staff who have their own little circle of people who they talk to - everybody hurts.
Its a place where you go, stay for a while and then leave. Like a temporary hotel without the water sports and little chocolates. The others, the kids on a night out, people on permanent holiday and the local foreigners who don't feel safe anywhere else. The people seeing each other on "the side". The models, sexy ladies, the punks, the idlers looking to pick up other people, the business meeting, the drug deal. Cute babies, people waiting for people, people finding people. Its like a playground for the mind, you don't want to go there too often, or stay too late, just long enough to get what you give.
I’ve been addicted to you, it seems like forever. As each day passes I fill it with soporific activities designed not to let me forget but just to keep going. From time to time I actually feel released from your grasp. But every now and again you creep up into my sleep and into my being. What can I do to shed this pain. I saw the end before it began, pretty much I suppose when you go on a roller coaster you know the thrill will be for so long and no more. No one actually lives on the roller coaster so you couldn’t expect to stay forever; it’s only a temporary state of excitement. There comes a time when you know you have to go home.
What surprises me more is that I am my own demon; it seems I stole your soul, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? No, you had your time to save us both.
But I won’t let you go even though it’s over, you changed my life my very being and now my DNA is infused with yours. Each year passes only helps me to linger, but that doesn’t help because it doesn’t change anything except my broken dreams. My spirit lives on to try and give a normal smile and only time sees my pain.
And I still hold your hand in mine, when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time. I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Remember us and all we used to be
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. Now I'm so hollow
mad bull commented: Sophorific:
1. causing or tending to cause sleep.
2. pertaining to or characterized by sleep or sleepiness; sleepy; drowsy.
–noun
3. something that causes sleep, as a medicine or drug.
Ok.
Wait, Owen is a playa!
Owen, (if its Owen you write this 'bout, DLBG) mind say you mek a mistake, you know! She intelligent as well as good looking. ... read 6 more
She was mildly attractive with a low cut blouse and pamphlets about disabled kids in a folder as if she had just come from a conference. I assumed she was a basic school teacher like most are if not that a church girl or a monkey. As she took out her phone out of her incredibly large purse, I was already turning off my phone. The bus and the fact that the hot younger girl sat in the wrong seat. She was about 30 plus and had one maybe 2 kids - as I get older I tend to not fear the curse of attachments that I download will affect my computer. Life is either a perilous adventure or nothing. A freckle on the nose of life's complexion.
My assumptions were correct for she preceded to argue with her 5 year old daughter on the phone about why she love other people yard more than her own - she was a bit clingy like paint on a dry wall. It was clearly important to her and I listened patiently because I had the window seat, trapped, the bus was full and my Jedi mind tricks are yet to prove profitable. I listened, she spoke. She was well endowed and had a strong conviction for what she was saying, it was important to her as I said before in the last sentence.
You tend to not talk about relationships and common-law marriages when you first meet a woman, especially on the bus where she could shank me many times when I laughed at her misconceptions, dreams that were fables, the married man calling her at dinner time wanting to eat her. I don't remember how the conversation progressed, it just happens, once you get pass the barrier. A good hour into the bus ride I hadn't even asked her her name - I forget at times and she'll want me to remember it. I haven't even asked her up until the point when she went off into the darkness. She wanted to continue the conversation and adjusted her bra strap to that effect but I couldn't save her - she had to learn to save her self.
Mad Bull commented: She talked about a married man wanting to eat her? Beside you? On the bus? My yute, it sounds like the Jedi mind tricks WERE working! She never even realised you were there. Its like you were invisible! ... read 2 more
