People often think I am mean when I do not accept an "off the cuff" idea that they might have suggested. It is more often the case that I have thought about that angle before. I had arrived at a destination knowing that I would arrive there rather than spending the journey looking down at my phone. At this point in my learning I see things and I just throw them into the back of my brain and stuff comes out fully baked.
No matter where you are in life there are things that you care about that absolutely no one else has any concept of why you care about those things. It is alright. You have to be someone where you have to be something and its ok. it is ok not to like something that everyone else likes. It is ok to be the odd one out. It is ok to exist as the only king of a castle that no one wants to live in. Sometimes you have to validate your own passions because the world is full of other things.
When I turn on the water faucet there is a chance that water may not run out of it. This fills me with fear and joy at the same time. While my guitar gently weeps. the reality is that you feel the most alive when you are close to death. It doesnt matter where you are because you are always somewhere; embrace your struggle.
Before the event you tend to have a clearer mind to what you plan to do when the time comes. it is hard to bring this level of clarity with you when eventually you cross over. The most you can do is hope you remember some of it. The "feel" you had back then before everything changed. That is one reason why I try to write things down as much as possible. You can only be in one place at a time - its something about physics.
I try not to repeat myself more than I need to and when I do I catch myself sometimes in the moment. Other times after the fact. The way I see it doing the same thing over and over is a waste of the precious little time you have. Even if you are casually hanging out you should be hanging out in a direction towards the sun so that you dry quickly. Or reach perfection with time left over to enjoy it.
Everybody has a struggle. Sometimes 1, or 2 or more but the struggle is always there. Struggle is real. I cannot say this often enough; you have to embrace your struggle. Snuggle up with it in a bathtub of bubbly with candles and your favourite book. Some solutions are simple and easy to find. Some easy solutions will just give you more problems, end up being traps or worst yet kill you. "Shortcut draw blood" is the old saying.
There are always new levels of drama. You think you have seen it all but there is something around the corner. Highs and lows. Days of our lives. Just going to bed at night with nothing on your mind is an achievement. This is one of the reasons I try not to want anything. I have everything I need, it's the things you want that get you into trouble. Where you are is the best place to be and as time rolls you on, pushing you somewhere else you guide the ship as the rocks call to you. You need to listen. Some things exist because of how they are in relation to other things. They cannot exist without each other. Or they exist in a simpler way that lacks meaning but you are not sure why. It is the nature of how the world is, everything just keeps turning and if you wait long enough everything goes by and comes back a round. A plastic bottle flows down a river with no control over its destiny. There is nothing it can do. You can never be your full self.
Not enough time in the day to keep track of all the social media news. I am old and far sighted so I want to keep whatever I have left before I need to wear glasses. Its a game of rationing. I will try to push out as many ideas as I can before I become so jaded that I simply give up on creating new stuff altogether. Not enough time, hands or money to do everything. I have been on the internet so long that all these new forms of internet communication are things that I avoid. I am always online but never online at the same time. Talking takes too much.
There are so many different races in life, some short some long. You don’t know they exist until it’s finished in some cases. Some opponents are hares and some turtles. I’m neither but rather a chameleon mimicking their speed but all the while knowing what speeds and what maintenance levels gets you where.
A coach is more than a washed up athlete, their experience and know how is better than any natural talent. The base is great but refinement makes the difference. Nonetheless I’m finished here. There’s nothing here for me. A life of solitude isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just weigh anguish against nothingness. Not much of a trade off. Keep it moving. Sometimes if you stall too long on the wrong thing you’ll miss the greatness of the simplicity of the little things.
Each element in the periodic table is important and great in its own right. However when mixed with others, it can create something more beautiful than what it was on its own. Sometimes mixtures are so catastrophic they should never go together.
The expressiveness of silence. Human abilities, so infinite and amazing. The ability to communicate without saying a single word. The explosion of nothingness and all that’s said with it. Sometimes more powerful than words. A chameleon has no identity of its own, merely mimicking your every move and trying to fit it. People like versions of themselves, they find it easier to relate. 1.0 still exists? I doubt it. It’s become muddled by all the different versions.
The quietness of nothingness seems more of a realistic choice than the quest for greatness. Oh the sting. A tear or two rolls down the face. Why does it hurt so much. It’s unrealistic. Always remember logic has no place in the game of love if you’re going to do it right. It all comes down to moves you make. You came, you saw, carved your name, leaving a permanent mark. I’m always sure I’m going to win the lottery every time I buy a ticket but I never do. Choices, choices…. Continue buying in hopes of winning or settle on never being rich. There’s no disappointment in nothing. It just is.
Waiting on the perfect time to post is just another form of procrastination. There is no perfect time to post. You might as well write the words down now before you forget or they get overwritten/buried into your brain. I do not know what I have forgotten since my last post. I can feel the thoughts but they are too deep down for me to drag them up again without a long rope. Or maybe a long nap. In either case there is too much going on now to risk the journey back to that place.
Death has a certain finality about it. A certain definite certainty. When someone dies you cry and I think your brain comes to the realization that there will be no new thoughts with that person - no new connections can be formed. So your brain goes into overdrive clotting all the open edges. It is a moment of deep reflection. There is nothing you can do but wait until it's done. It's like a very slow printer.
I am getting better at taking pictures of strangers so it must be sapping the energy I usually assigned to my other skills. I do believe in finite energy. There is only so much you can do. Only so much time. The older I get the more I am aware of this time. The more I want to avoid blindly going down paths which have already been trodden by people, knowingly or unknowingly. Every time I turn on the pipe and water rushes out I feel blessed. I feel connected to the greater world - the greater struggle that is life. Its like a modern zen. Someday you will understand. Mechanics, physics, knowledge, wisdom, understanding and everything.