I have learnt that there is no way to alleviate someone's deepest fears. Monkeys and buses. There is nothing you can do about the shadow behind them as they walk along the bank of a river. A fear of the future is likened to a fear of physics itself. Fearing the earth rotating around the sun. A fear of gravity. The law of conservation of energy. Entropy. The constant march towards chaos. The speed of light. These things are certain. Hold on to them.
Everyday is a near death situation. If it's not H1N1 then something else will get you. You never know. You might wake up one morning with a small head or pain that is never over. Weed is my only friend. I am not negative I just understand the problem more that you do. I spend more time thinking it over - so I have instant answer. My faith is real, yours are enthusiasm. Every story has 2 sides.
No use waiting around for bad shit to happen. I broke both of my favorite Rayban sun glasses in the same week I must be lucky or the devil may have it out for me or God is teaching me a lesson. I don't know but I bought a new pair and a replacement band for my watch so that I can tell the time. If I find a small enough screwdriver I could remove the arms from the old glasses and attach them to the new one so that I can be transcendent.
I have not done any new projects so far this year. Instead I have been programming with colours and procedural generation with Perlin Noise (simplex) in C. The website is due for its yearly re-design but I haven't touched on it yet. I'm going to have to really sit down and think about this years design. Usually I would have had a new design in mind before the year even starts. But so far this year I am just walking around in the tall grass.
I finally found the bug in one of my pet projects that I had been working on over the Christmas. Now I can move on to other things that want to kill me slowly. I have come to rely on the skills of others rather than thier hopes and dreams. I am older now, I cannot spend all my time working on hobby projects - as much as I would like. I need to focus but focus is hard when the world is filled with people posting dumb articles that surmount to nothing more than a pile of ransid leaves.
My words elude me. I have not written anything since like the year has started - even. I keep thinking that this may be the last time. But life goes on so I write because I must. I must soldier on because at least at my funeral there will be not shortage of reference literature from which to draw from in order to bring forth a gracious speech or at least an essay. I hate funerals, going away parties, do not invite me - I will not attend.
My birthday is fast approaching. I have resolved that music CDs are the only thing that can make me happy. Jah alone can give I satisfaction. I have renewed my passport and I have no idea what I am going to do with it. The year 2015 came to an end just when I was beginning to like it. It seems the best part of the year is the period after your birthday like going down a hill with no breaks at full speed. weee! I am good at being uncomfortable.
