I remember a place, a neighborhood like many other neighborhoods, a house like a lot of other houses. And until this day I look back and wonder. Its been a wild and crazy week not that I hate the desert but it really dry and immense like an endless sea of sand dunes. Many classes missed projects unfinished. I've probably gotten less sleep this week than at any other point in my life and yet still oracle is still giving me errors.
Ever since last week my energy saving bulbs have stared freaking out - I'm not sure, I think its the moisture it air. Its different and yet similar at the same time. It doesn't really matter either way. When I get into super geek mode I hook up my ibook laptop to another 17 inch monitor so that I can multi-task more efficiently with and extended desktop. For some odd reason though the corner in which my computer is situated gets really hot, because there are no windows. Hence, all the fans in the laptop start spinning.
Obviously the hurricane is going in a northerly direction. We should start suing weather forecasters for the really nice guess work they did on Ernesto - thanx guys. I had not seen a worst prediction of the weather since that move called "Twister". Ernesto was also far too gay of a name either way. So the supermarkets were pretty happy over the weekend again for the nil hurricane. Last I heard they referred to it as a "cyclone". I mean really "cyclone"? So as of now my forecast is that the big round cloud which is over the sea will continue raining down on Haiti. What is the news on Haiti? does anybody live there? Do they have the bomb? its like North Korea Why doesn't anybody talk about that place? Anyhow, the forecast on Ernesto is that it will weaken, then strengthen and hit the coast of Florida by Friday. Thats the weather for now.
I'm breaking my own rules, becoming someone else. No I'm not really angry and I know you care a lot about what people think, probably too much. If anything I should have let my intentions known sooner, we probably could have avoided our present state. Who knows what could have happened, no use going over the past without learning anything from it. I try never to regret anything that I've done and attempt to make the best of what is to come in the future but thats just my personality, I don't expect you to be the same. Maybe the only thing that makes me angry about you in this situation is how you played around with the fact that I was seriously interested in being with you. Maybe it was a defense mechanism or something.
I should have been more aggressive, sooner, so as to get to the penultimate point. Rather than passively watching you cut off any form of intercourse which got out of your to control. I suppose that when all else failed, you realized that I am not the kind to give-in or "take a hint". I guess in making a pretense of shyness or modesty you intended to irritate me to death. Truth is I admired you too much. I wanted to see if there was a possibility the casual acquaintance, rabid monkey or holiday that came around once a year like a christmas, could in fact be more than a friend. I was not going to be de-railed quite as easily, no matter how many rivers I had to cross or valleys high. Had I world enough and time. I may have been stubborn - foolish even, but I was determined not to change my attitude or position on a whim or minor discomfort. Determined, it through, I was to see, sink or sail, no white flag.
I had good intentions, I don't know what they are now - I've had too much time to think. The thinking gets in the way. When push come to shove, everybody's gonna put the blame on me for loving you. Maybe if it was up to me I could make life ripple free. Everything would be perfect, perfectly perfect. Nothings perfect, sometimes you've got to jump first. As much as your probably uncomfortable about the whole thing, why should we focus all our energy on things that bring us down? The past can't be undone. There doesn't to be a way to be redeemed. I don't want to cause you more worry than you are already enduring. I am sorry for whatever there is to be sorry about - not that I regret any of it. I would not have exchanged it for the world.
Its the night before. Well actually its today. At around 9 o'clock several events will be set into motion which will cause an uncertain effect. I've been up all night formulating a plan of action. Thats what I do, like any calculated bastard - I formulate. Should in fact everything go well, then I am home free. Else should everything go wrong I would be at a point of no recovery. Its a do or die situation. I placed the order on friday and in the next 8 hours it should be delivered onto its unsuspecting victim. The note was skillfully crafted to hide my identity and yet reveal it fully to the informed.
I've waited over a month and everything comes down to this penultimate point. In the next couple of hours the balance will tilt in either direction and it will be my fault. The telephone will ring, that, is the one thing of which I am certain. Either way she will call and as usual I will have nothing important to say at that point because I would have clearly forgotten my master plan. I could childishly avoid the call but I cannot gauge what effect that that will have. The downside of being "ever present" is that its hard for you to disappear or become temporarily unavailable. I could fake an illness but more than likely she would call me at home.
We could start over again if something else were to happen in the next couple of hours. If I were to wake up on the floor. But I am pretty sure that apart form the war in Israel, everything will go as normal and nothing will over shadow the event. In the seemly infinite possible outcomes, I can't think of the worst thing that could happen. And it worries me. It could be destiny. However, destiny usually happens in 2 forms; its either the point when you die or the point when stop wondering what next is going to happen. Either case sucks for you because what would life be without the worrying about indeterminate events. I have to celebrate you baby, I have to praise you like I should.
Yesterday it finally happened. The event I had feared for so long, finally happened unexpectedly like an ice burg that hit my titanic and sunk it to the depths of a very deep deep, bottomless ocean full of craters. With a cubby white girl shouting "Jack, Jack, Don't leave me". A redheaded girl with a seemingly endless desire for drama, running and spitting. I have always liked that movie. Not only for the death, nudity and running but for the people falling from the top of the ship and hitting rails as they fell. Physics is insensitive but cool like a rabid monkey, calm when asleep but steadfast like a ninja.
And yesterday it happened. The penultimate event - a meteor speeding towards earth, headed straight for a major city. You would think its just a regular space launch of scientists but in fact they are actually launching oil-drillers bent on blowing up the meteor with a nuclear device. Poor meteor. Why does saving the earth always involve blowing something up? Can't we all just get along?
My ipod headphones where ripped form my ears. I knew it would happen sooner or later. One or both of the ears would stop working and I would be reduced to getting a pair of regular black head phones. I had not a Motorola phone or gucci shades. Nothing with which to lure women. Got nothing but love baby - eight days a week. All I had that was cool were those head phones. Get fancy. My last bit of personal style, gone. The fashion police are going to get me for sure. I'll have to wait until they build an apple store in Jamaica. That in itself is highly unlikely. Blogger linkup wednesday.
mad bull commented: Yeahhhh! Owen has posted! See you at the linkup. Can we start it earlier than 9:00pm by the way? See the details on my site, same post... ... read 2 more
Most of the time there is always somewhere I need to go. It is always lingering somewhere in the distance like a monkey ninja waiting to throw a spear through my head. The ninjas are everywhere. No one is safe. At times I recommend that you duck for no reason. The prospect of leaving one place and heading to another is a second mortgage.
Have you ever gone out and bought something because it was a 2 for 1 and when you brought it could not find the other one. I mean it says 2 for 1 - obviously, on the packaging but for some reason I cannot find what that one other thing that makes it 2 is suppose to be. Clearly I didn't lose anything on the way home. Probably the cashier lady stole it like a magician while waving it across the sensor like a wand. Slipped in into her pocket and brought it home for her own personal pleasurement. A collection she probably has. Cheated by the opposite of love. Clearly the other thing must be there somewhere. The other thing that would validate me buying something that is almost absolutely totally useless and would not be adequate to give away as a present. It must be in it some where - hidden like those prizes in foreign corn flakes.
She hate me. Some people are born teachers while others like myself are simply addicts who amass a large amount of information while high on the weed. Though when high you really cannot transfer any knowledge to anybody unless they are pretty anxious to get high. You have to learn how to get high, its not really something they teach people. Your either born smart or you study alot.
michael_halvorsen commented: Yeah, I was taught the art of being high. But it was being high on life. What a crock that was. You need things to get you there. Life just doesn't cut it 80% of all the time. ... read 2 more