Every time I mention that I "survived 2019" I get a look like I am being morbid. People want to hear about the normal stuff, Christmas dinners and married life but I live in a country where road fatalities in 2019 were at a 26 year high with 435 dead. Makes me wonder if I should really write and publish my "Driving in Jamaica" hand book to see if I can save some lives and finally get my Heros Day medal of honor.
When you stop to let a blind man cross the road and then drive off to almost hit down big fully functioning adult male you know driving on these roads is not for the foolish. You have to be vigilant for you never know when the USA might drone strike you for some random reason.
So its a new year. A fresh chance to dig ourselves out of our bad ways and pave a new tunnel towards knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Unless of course you were already on that path then carry on. For the rest of those that seem content on wasting the time of others I hope you see the ill in your ways.
Do not worry about the future. Enjoy your days and sleep well at night. If you cannot sleep well stay up late into the night so that your body is so tired and it falls a sleep. The future writes itself. All you can do is prepare for it. Be ready. Your future dreams and aspirations are not good if you die before they happen. So you have to be stead fast now and patient. Like a snake in the tall grass or a monkey.
I need to find a new pocket camera but old one is showing its age like a old fishing rod that wont catch any new fish. I have a few options in a wide price range. I may have to buy one a little more expensive than I usually purchase because I want to get go headshots - your vest. I have very exacting specifications because of how I am. But nothing is like is perfect - everything has trade offs. I simply choose my safe space carefully and wrap up inside it like a warm blanket. Every now and again I peek out from the top of my tree house and I say ohy!
I am still thinking about writing that driving in Jamaica manual. I am slowly soaking out the fear that I might jinx myself by writing about something that is clearly a day to day struggle for survival in a concret jungle built of steal, gaskets and rubber. I should really get a dash cam but that would require me to do some research into the various types on the market and I can only be obsessive-compulsive on one thing at a time so maybe next year. Crash and burn myself out.
We all just want to get lucky and win the lotto or something. I personally just want to even out and possibly make a small profit. Everything is a compromise whether you believe it or not, a flip of the card, a double six when all you need is a ace. Does that make me crazy? Maybe you are crazy? Maybe we are crazy?
People often wonder what I am doing. But all I am doing is waiting. Waiting on that point in time when the clouds are so gray that they block out the sun. The wind blows cold across the sky like a sheet being pulled over your body early in the morning. At which point you will be certain that the rain is about to fall so hard that everyone from miles around can hear the sound of it approaching. What am I am doing? I am listening for the rain.
After recent events it is evident that the things that will keep me up at night will be much more time consuming than they were when I was young and focused. I can only assume that it is part of the process. The trick to getting older is not dieing while you are young, taking it one day at a time, paper straws, et cetera.
One has to work hard in order to not get caught up in one's own baloney (or social baloney). The pursuit of knowledge, wisdom and understanding must be held above all else. One must understand one's self. Vanity is the devil's favorite sin. Sometimes I find myself swimming up stream against my better judgement. Change is certain so there is no point in trying to control it. The most I can do is ride the wave as the ship comes into shore, crashing into the rocks just under the water's surface.
People ask me how it feels to be married. Almost as if I am in a movie that they can interact with in real time. I tell them that I feel the same except wearing jewelery is a bit new to me and weddings are expensive. They are a great tree. It is like crossing a threshold and people start asking me more-other-newer questions now but I cut them off at the pass by hitting them with uncomfortable questions like prostate exams and centrifugal force. I have a whole new level of escape routes now. I no longer have to depend solely on my own aloofness but now my wife is a whole other pallet on which I can draw.
One time I retorted that I would be lucky to get struck by lightning - just as rain clouds crossed the sky - people went rushing inside. Most only consider staying alive as a blessing. "Ligthning strikes the tallest objects" is logical. But where logic fails you can use more religious arguments. People find this uncomfortable. It is a strange way of thinking about life in turns of the worst outcomes being some sort of curse. The true test is how to remain calm under pressure - keeping a steady head when everything is going wrong. Listening to your heart beat inside the silence of your mind. Finding that silence is hard. Rise above it, look down and you will see that everything is a journey.
People live in their own perspective. There is no other way to exist. Like a baby blanket. You can try/pretend to see things from another person's point of view but in the end people only hope to survive until dinner. And the other person is doing the same thing but inside a different physical body. We all want to do things and sometimes these wants are so vastly different that the other person is incapable of understanding the reasons behind it.
More than likely it is the things that we want that will get us into trouble. Not necessarily the things that we need. You already have all the things you need but the mind is a virtual play ground of personal madness that will lead people to believe anything at anytime no matter what the reality because you are trapped inside your head and your body is very lazy.
I have realized that being how I am (as opposed to being someone else) may make people avoid asking me to do certain things. I have a very clear list of things that I avoid without compromise. And if someone should choose to enter into a situation which I personally would avoid then that person good as well deserves whatever they get. It is a simple rabbit in headlights situation. How many people can you be? How many faces can you switch between. Never regret the things you survive and learn the lessons that life is trying to teach you.