Life is struggle. What is life without struggle? Every man have their struggle. And once you get them you cannot escape, you only exchange them for credits that you end up spending at another shop. I embrace my struggles like a warm blanket on a cold winter night. Sometimes it is not about the problems you can solve right now, but the struggles that you reach out, grab by the horns and ride down a steep, muddy hill side. Endure.
Time is one of those things that is both something and nothing concurrently. Time twists and turns, runs out, runs down. You lose it, rarely gain it. Buy it, sell it, save it. It waits on no one. By the time you start enjoying time, you realize it is time to do something else. Time is both flat, wide and long. All encompassing like the sea of above an under water island. Everywhere and nowhere.
I watch the local news on most nights. Not because I have to but because I try to always be aware of the many ways to avoid drama. Drama is the last thing a man needs in his life. Drama creeps up like a thief in the night. There is nothing in life than you should worry about losing as long as you know it is inevitable. Take comfort in the struggle.
It doesn't take any extra energy for me to write stuff down. Being that I am already thinking deeply about it - ALL THE TIME - writing it down becomes as second nature. All I do is compose a new email and add paragraphs as they comes to mind. I avoid things that waste my thought space and I purposely dodge the stimulation that comes from browsing social media all day so that my mind is free to focus. God knows what social media is doing to people's brains. Constantly finding new cats videos and having to storing them in their brain. I have 20 unfinished articles in drafts (probably more). I am not really in a rush to finish them because only fools rush in.
I used to rush to publish but I later realized that the longer I let them bake - the clearer my thoughts would become and the less spelling mistakes I made. Sometimes I am surprised by the number of thoughts/events that re-occur over time that I recall to have written down previously. When I go to look for it, I find that its something I wrote down in 2011 and I think to myself; "crap I am old!". My new habit is to post a link to something I previously written every time I comment on social media. I am sure it triggers some people.
If course in 2011 I would have had a large number spelling errors but it does not matter much because the concept remains the same. I would have spend a whole month thinking about it, hence I rarely need to make big changes as some concepts stand the test of time. Coming up the basic concept of the article/post is the hard part. Of course I do not want to seem like a self-righteous, ignorant ass. But at the same time I want to impart some original idea, or thought. I want to build rocket ships. Sometimes writing it down frees my mind to think about other things. I do not have feelings festering in my mind. I free them.
I am still waiting on car parts that I bought online while trying not to have one of my wheels fall off while I drive down the road at the speed limit. I have come to the conclusion that you might as well buy two of everything because everything is always nearing the point of slowly going bad. But the hesitation is what if you buy this extra stuff that you do not need and then you crash into a wall and get stuck with parts and no car to put them on.
No man is an island. Even if you are married or somehow enslaved into an obsession you always need to take care of your responsibilities. Responsibilities are inescapable. Sometimes calmer minds are the only ones that can see that the hill is very steep and your tires do not have enough traction to keep you from losing control. The current drama matters very little. It is the drama that is at the bottom of the hill that you really need to worry about. Most things pass with time.
I have been drinking lots of water. Playing the crystal clear pee game with myself while digging through my old inbox is like going through old clothes. Apparently I got e-vited to a wedding that I do not remember attending. I think I would have remembered something like that but back in those days I was less mobile did not has as much free time. Sorry Colleen. I have always been less adventurous than most people fearing that I may end up in some sort of catastrophe at the hands of someone who is giddy headed.
Stability is most likely my favorite feature when it comes to anything. That is why I had to change 2 front shocks, 2 mounts and 2 bushings on my car. Maintenance is a exercise in endurance and sometimes tears. The car has reached the age where I either sell it or keep fixing the things that go wrong with it. As you know cars like monkeys are always heading towards a state of chaos and ultimate destruction. Like falling down a river but never knowing when you will hit a rock or a pothole. I have seen worse.
Everyone is living their own life but I do not care for chaos. I like when people are dependable and are reaching for a place of greater independence. It does not matter how fast you are moving as long as you are getting better. I am not sure why one would bring crosses onto themselves. You will can do anything but you always have to be cautious and cognizant of chaos that surrounds you. It is all chaos, everywhere. All one can do is hope.
I have been having trouble finding a new replacement car because I tend to get attached to things and nice things are expensive so I spend forever making a decision while I hide in the tall grass. I do not believe in swapping one set of problems for another when the latter set of problems could just as easily be resolved but not being rash and looking at things objectively. Weighing what you are giving up in order to gain something else.
Being the king of convenience that I am I like to have everything working perfectly or as close to perfect as possible because you dig everything of which I am ashamed. After visiting the dreaded wheel alignment place I have changed both my front shocks and am in the process buying the rest of the front end parts. Parts which under normal circumstances would be easy to acquire but seeing that I drive an uncommon car I have to go out of my way to acquire the parts I need to keep all 4 wheels on the road. Choas in life is a certainty.
Maybe I should buy a whole new car and bestow the gift of this struggle unto another person for a discount on the sale price. But hell is always a lemon away and car loans are the new form of slavery.
I am eating pawpawya and a banana for breakfast as I watch old music videos I had downloaded in 2004 thereabouts. I can almost feel the point in time when these videos where free and awe inspiring in their newness. I can peal away the layers a little if only for minute as the song fades out. The mix of genres is so wide that I wonder how I have so few so but then I remember that I was probably downloading them on dialup. Now the 4:3 aspect ratio really shows its age on my widescreen 16:9 television. Oh how far we have come. And yet no where.