written by owen on 2015-Apr-28.

We have started looking for a new employee, software programmer, pot, kettle and bottle washer. We are looking for someone smart - not business smart but software-best-practices smart. I'm a gonna hit yall up with something called satire.

Our Ideal Candidate Should have;

• Passion for rapid prototyping and continuous software development; You like to make little mockups/prototypes that you can show off to everybody. Its like visual brain vomit. We like this too because we can see what you do and can constantly ask you to tweek/create new ones that we can look at while at a conference. You hate planning before you code but love writing tests and like to fragment your code so that you can carefully commit/refactor to github everyday against tests that you will write for yourself. Just cause TDD is the future. Plus you never know who else might want to start writing the same feature that you have been working on for 5 weeks. And it proves to us that you are only writing good, bueatiful code that is so readable that we could write ourselves.

• Strong interpersonal skills (we design for people); You are full of buzzwords and group think, you spend more time at conferences, on twitter/social media discussing current affairs and issues of global importance - than actually writing code. Sell snow to a snow man. You will document everything constantly and quickly while random ideas are coming down the pipe. You talk well and like talking a lot to everybody, even people who speck different languages, sheep and farm animals. Bonus points if you are a very aggreeable person who does not like to be devisive in a spontaneous echo chamber.
• Self-motivation, proactiveness and an ability to work without constant supervision; You can code off the clock, not in a cowboy kinda way but in a "I will push some nice to have features while sitting on the train" way. Because you have no side projects or anything on your mind except your love for the code you write. You can multi-task with brand new ideas while your brain is actively trying solve a current issue.
• Eagerness to work in a start-up environment; most startups fail and as such be prepared to do everything you can to survive including being the only person who cares about technical details, space-time physics, networked printers, backups and mailing lists.
• Readiness to experiment, desire to innovate and willingness to make mistakes; prepare to think about things that other people will not and often times cannot help you think about. Be able to come up with good work arounds for impossible scenarios at the drop of a hat and in the middle of meetings. Fake it until you make it.
• Interest in building software / contributing to projects that make a different (experience in ICT4D is a plus); lets build a iphone 6s feed reader for starving children in africa.
• A proven record of learning and adapting to new, complex development environments; You are willing to jump on anyframework that we tell you to use or that pops upon buzzfeed so that we can put it in our best practices portfolio. The more complex the environment, the better. Bonus points if you can do this without us having to tell you or even help you in the process.

Conclusion

Of course it is fine if you do not have all these attributes. We know that it is impossible for anyone in the world to possess all these characteristics and still be alive and unemployed. Quit your day job and join us. Eitherway you might still get hired even if you only have 3 or so, initially. We might make you a partner when we get bought out by google.

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