Everyone has a flaw or 2. The more time you spend with people the more you know. We are flawed by nature. It is like living in a cage with a tiger. The most you can hope for is that you are not there when the tiger is hungry and has nothing else to eat. Or worst yet you decide to eat the tiger and the tiger tastes bad. You just have to do your best to understand what you are taught. Gleaming as much as you can amidst the chaos that is all around. Knowledge, wisdom and understanding.
I want to write an article about the perils of driving in Jamaica. That in fact it is not the speeding that kills but the inconsideration of people towards each other and of course the physics of stopping suddenly. But I fear that if I do this I might jinx myself and crash and die in a burning ball of flames and everyone will say that that was the guy that wrote the article on how to drive in Jamaica. I am not sure if I have already paid enough for my future sins.
It is like that time a police man made me take a bly instead of giving me a bly. To normal people this would seem fine but to me it is like giving me a cross to drag through the streets like Jesus. If someone gives you a bly there is no problem it is a like a blessing but if you "take" a bly - GOD HELP YOU! Instead of paying the price you are beholden to return the favor to someone else which is like a curse of gratitude. Its complicated, you will figure it out when you are older.
Wow, 2018. We have crossed the hump and are now barrelling straight down through another set of birthdays, holidays and global catastrophes.. I thought the Christmas period would never end as I try to eat three cakes by myself. The Christmas tree is still standing because I dread the chore of taking it down and repackaging it in a box in which it will surely not fit. What is life without change?
The date for the ending of Whatsapp support for me phone has come and gone but I do not care really. Idle chatter is only going to keep me from doing what I want to do and dreaming about the future only stops you from doing what you can do now. So its back to BBM or email or phone calls. Probably I will start walking around with my camera again and updating my website more often.
I try not to be a heavy weight on the shoulders of other people. Because I am not certain of anything. Or I like to exist as a part of a greater whole and I do not want to pretend to be special. Do it for the love. Every dance might be your last so I am always cautious as a survival mechanism. Nothing really matters except for the trees that you climb, the good memories and the falls you survive.
At times do you ever wonder if you are living someone else's life? Like you are supposed to be somewhere else instead of where you are now? Or maybe you fear that you are not yet strong enough to live that life. It does not matter. All that matters is monkeys and trees and water. Everything else is just a filter. You are already what you are going to be.
I have been posting a lot recently. Trying to make up for an entire year of slack and distraction, death and despair. I have not been getting many comments though but I am still irie. I do it for the love, not the likes. Well it could be a bug in the code that I may have missed and no one has gual to tell me about it because they fear that they may come off as stupid for asking question. News flash: there are not stupid questions - only stupid answers.
My Christmas budget is over run and its only like day 20. I am pretty much done and I hear a croaking sound in the front end that I fear to call the mechanic about. I just have to be strong and survive until at least January. But the future is yet unwritten all I can do is sit wait. No need to be complacent. You can dance, you can jive having the time of your life but I am taking it easy.
I will not be able to spend the last weeks of the year in the cold of the country because I have to work. Working through Christmas has always annoyed me to the core which is why I retreat from the hustle and bustle and the temptation to over spend to sweep leaves under a tree with no one around. Return to my used to be playground from whence cometh my health, my health cometh from the Lord.
My life is in constant conflict with perspective, past, and present. I rely on people being themselves a lot, probably too much. I assume that everyone is being their best selves at all times, doing exactly what they want to do at that very moment in time. And if not exactly then they are waiting for their moment if satisfaction tom come in short order before the world falls away. One might be playing all the angles, checking the odds or passing time. But whatever it is at that moment in time that is you - at least in my mind.
Once someone loses faith there is no going back. Wash in your old bath water. But then again faith is a matter of perspective and you have no control over which way it may go. As the world turns. Tomorrow never dies. Change is constant like Sunday morning, everything just keeps turning. What you think and how it actually is, are not the same thing but what does it matter? How you feel is drives our illusions.
Cars are constantly moving towards chaos like sand on a beach. No matter how much you wash them or take care of them they are slowly trying to separate into little pieces. Right now I have break disc wobble and I will either have to get the disks skimmed or replaced. Maintenance is something that will always be necessary unless you can afford to buy a new car every few years.
Human beings are very short sited by nature. Naturally. I myself will choose (more times than not) short term dis-satisfaction over long ambiguity. Cause nothing really last forever. Whether it be good or bad, the pendulum always swings because it has to. There is no other way. Riding the breaks. You have to give up some things to live. And everything you get takes away something else. Whether you know it or not we are not special, we are not machines. No one is perfect. Today, right now is both the best days and the worst of days and only for a time and forever.
So this is where I am. For the first time in a long time I am going to have to work through Christmas. Things change I guess. I am off schedule and have probably lost my way. But you gots to do what you gots to do. After all in the end the only things that matter are the things you give away.