owenSoft.net - Blog Jamaica

5 oclock Roadblock (Blog Jamaica)

2010-07-20 16:55:59

I have not started a war with my neighbor in roughly 2 months. Mostly because I keep getting stopped by police and soldiers on the road on my way to work. Resulting in me being all edgy almost like I have a warrant out for my arrest (or my name is on some kinda interesting list). I cannot wait for this state of emergency thing to be over so that I can return to my regular life of servitude and crime. Last week a few rogue soldiers decided to set up a road on Marcus Garvey Drive. A road block which caused the Portmore traffic to pile up all the way back to the Air Jamaica building aka Air Trinidad. Only God knows how much further it went by the time sun set. Its is a minor inconvenience hopefully they catch the people who are committing all those murders and that dude that cut me off in traffic this moving on the narrow toll road.

Freedom is a minor inconvenience. Thank god I don't look like a criminal or look like a pastor cause dog woulda nyam mi suppa. I saw the soldiers pull over a guy in a suit that looked like Reverent Al Miller. Obviously he wasn't a pastor because he was driving a Toyota. Maybe he was going to a wedding. Remind me not to wear a tie to work again. Dem did a pree everybody, I hope they find who they were looking for. Pray you car doesn't have on dark tint or you are going to get stopped and searched. It maybe a good time to take that vacation to the country that you have been planning for the last couple a years.

Its only a matter of time before they start house to house searches in your neighborhood. I don't know how people live in Tivoli, I wish I could relate, I can't. If anything you can say that the one good thing that came out of this state of emergency is the fact that JPS got to go into the community and set up new anti-theft meters. So it go. Free paper bun. This state of emergency is obviously for poor people but the reduction in crime is merely a temporary side effect. The devil will always find work for idle hands. You have to give us work or make the lotto easier to win. I hope somebody is happy.

Hopefully with the help of Contractor General, Jamaica can be return to the heights of glory that it was was pre-1970s. We can go back to good old tourism and sugar cane. All I want is to be left alone with my microwave oven, chicken steak and cinemax.

by owen () comment

The price we have to pay (Blog Jamaica)

2010-05-28 11:14:25

I was listening to Mutty on the radio this morning. He is saying that this is the price we have to pay. Its not looking good for Jamaica at all. At some point we have to forget about tourism and worry about what really matters: the people of Jamaica.

The jokes are building up as fast as the rumors and the death count. The people who live outside of the danger zone have nothing to do but pray and coin new jokes about the situation that few of us have lived to experience. PEOPLE ARE THROWING STONES IN THE DAMN GLASS HOUSE.

The latest slogan I heard; Osama-Bin-Dudus. LOL, I myself take serious thing make joke but what else is there to do? The whole Tivoli Gardens thing is turning into a Bush-Sadman-WMD tragedy; 77 killed and 6 guns found? Something is definitely wrong with those number. I can't even link to all the news and rumors that is coming out, it is just too much and changing too rapid.

The whole thing also has a splash of Hitler in it IMHO, especially since people keep talking about "bombing" Tivoli aka genocide. Clearly these have never been to the community and are warm at home with their microwave ovens and FB. Tivoli itself is quiet a big place. Not to mention the concentration camp that is housing 500+ adult and young males at the National stadium which as being "processed". I can't remember the last time I was processed and I doubt I would like it very much.

Lets not talk about FB and twitter because everybody is either quoting somebody or spreading hearsay.

Others about mass graves in May Pen Cemetery and dead bodies being burnt/dumped. Mothers and daughter who may never be able to collect the bodies of relatives. I am not sure how long it takes a body to start decomposing but it seems to be hasty.

There is just too much news, pictures and rumors. Too many parallels to draw. Your opinion is as good as mine cause i'm not going down there to see for my self.

by owen () comment

State Of Emergency (Limited to Kingston and St Andrew Only) (Blog Jamaica)

2010-05-26 09:08:35

So it seems this is going to take longer than I had hoped. I'll be undating the news section if I get any interesting links but I was hoping that this would have been over from yesterday. My Sister just called and said we made the front page of the times news paper and my paycheck reach the bank but there is no one there to process it. So it go.

If you more interested in documentaries then here is a old video from roughly 2003 which explains some of the issues in jamaica today; Ross Kemp On Gangs Jamaica (old video). Its 45 minutes long so go to the bathroom first.

In the meantime be safe and hope hurricane Dudus no cause di electricity fi cut off. For your listening pleasure; The timeless Bob Marley and the Wailers.

(link)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIoeuWizSoo

by owen () comment

Water Crisis Worsens (Blog Jamaica)

2010-04-09 14:47:30

As the water situation worsens some people may be taking it to hurt;

NB. Views expressed are not necessarily those of owensoft and company or kittens. Rated PG 16.

(link)

There maybe more at TheIanlyn youtube page.

How is the lack of water affecting you?

by owen () comment

Late 80s music (Blog Jamaica)

2010-02-23 09:44:30

No new post this week, I have too many brainy drafts that I need to get rid of. Its a good thing I have a whole Jamaica section where we can celebrate In the mean time check these old youtube videos out;

I will survive is really different for everybody I've talked about it with;

(link)

Some Too tricky, some hard to please, yup, true, true

(link)

Long time LT. Stichie a tell the young girls;

(link)

In this video you will see a grown man in a tiger print jump suit.

(link)

Now two white girls on a mini bus has absolutely no educational or lyrical value but at the time it pure comedy. Rubadub style can never get old;

(link)

I could go on and but I had to force my self to stop searching for videos. Discuss and post links to other favourites from the late 80s in the comments. (just put the links in the comments it will auto embed the player)

Update 02-28-2010

The Land of Wood and Water Rations (Blog Jamaica)

2010-02-09 19:38:08

Well what do we have here now? Seems like the lack of hurricances last year had some how affected the water in Kingston, now water is being delievered on a schedule. Its only a matter of time before people start rioting. If people aren't complaining about one thing, or another, then they are complaining about EVERYTHING.

THE seasonal drought, which typically lasts from late November to March/April, is at its height and as usual the southern half of the island is worst affected. The effects are being more acutely felt because the traditional wet months of May/June and September/October last year produced far less rain than is usually the case. Hence the alarmingly low storage levels at supply points such as the Mona reservoir and Hermitage dam -- forcing severe water restrictions in the heavily populated areas of Kingston, St Andrew and St Catherine. -RAINWATER HARVESTING A MUST

See hurricanes do serve a good purpose after all (besides destruction and reduction in crime). I am sure people in rural areas are laughing and pointing fingers at the SUV washing Kingstonians. Although they are rationing the water now, we are not about to "run out of water", at least not just yet (maybe next month or 2) but we may run out of "easy water" and start having to look at other, not so easy sources.

They is no real way to prepare for a drought, it just happens and you run out of water.

It rained in Portmore over the weekend - well not really rained but drizzled consistently. Jamaica would need a good, consistent, 2 day heavy rain to get everything back to normal. I suggest we all start our rain dances, paying our tides and stop washing cars before it gets any worst.

Update - Feb 12 2010

THE NATIONAL WATER COMMISSION HEREBY GIVES NOTICE that with effect from 8th day of February 2010 or five days after the publication of this notice, whichever is the later, the NATIONAL WATER COMMISSION ABSOLUTELY PROHIBITS in all areas of the island of Jamaica served by drought-affected water supply systems, the use of water supplied by or obtained through, the pipes of the Commission for .....

..... c) washing of vehicles using a hose or watering or washing roadways, pavements, paths, garages or out rooms;.....

.....ANY PERSON WHO CONTRAVENES THIS NOTICE IS GUILTY OF AN OFFENCE AND LIABLE ON SUMMARY CONVICTION BEFORE A RESIDENT MAGISTRATE TO A FINE, AND IN DEFAULT OF PAYMENT, TO IMPRISONMENT FOR A TERM NOT EXCEEDING THIRTY DAYS. - PROHIBITION NOTICE - Under The National Water Commission Act

They should have added that vehicles will be impounded and hoses confiscated.

by owen () comment

Jamaica themed tree (Blog Jamaica)

2009-12-17 01:20:46

don't ask me why. saw this at mega mart portmore.

by owen () comment

Tis the season to short days, long nights and cat fights (Blog Jamaica)

2009-11-18 13:31:51

Notice how the weather has slowly moved from boiling hot to overcast-cool these days? Notice how you get to sleep a little bit longer and spend a little less time at work? This is all for a cause. Dont feed the monkeys. I love this kind of weather, but it garners people around the office and home sneezing their sockets out. Sniffling here and there, nasty snot tissues on the floor. But sometimes, everyone needs that good sneeze to get the bullshit out. I dont get in fights with open minded persons but i do with the padlocked ones. Dam dingbats! frigging fonts! To each his own.

I have been aquaintances with this tough foot, female wrestler looking girl at work for over a year now. This relationship began with much caution as we were introduced at lunch while she was telling a story of how the evening before she stabbed a guy several times because she was trying to say something and he wasn't lending an ear, instead going on and on. I kept my distance, occasionally joining to have lunch and gossip a little. Everyone gossips, just in different ways. Her demeanor was bullish and bossy and persons around the office preferred it to be business as usual when it came to her. Ghetto.It's either her way or the high way.

Due to drastic changes in the sector, I was thrown in the lions mouth when decided to close my department and transfer me to where baby bull resided. She hindered my work, chatting constantly about some other persons business or the many problems she had in her life. I realised that I couldn't fade away into my music and produce outstanding work anymore, or it could just be a silly excuse that my new duties were even more boring than the last or just that i wasn't adjusting to the change very well.

Something, somewhere had changed. I think i liked the fact that she was occasional when i was not so close, but now she was there 24-7. Annoying. It's funny how things are when the gossip is now about you. I didn't confront her because quite frankly i didn't want to get stabbed, so i spoke with her supervisor about it. A meeting was called and i turned out to be the "bad guy". It seemed her bark was alot louder than her bite. Tears rolled down her face, difficulty to catch her breath as i told her of my discovery. She asked to be excused from the meeting, but it was denied and from then I began getting that feeling that something was about to pop off any moment now. Shoot, i left my Ninja gear at home. Dammit.

Nothing happened but now i'm seen as the one who took the bully off her high horse.

by Tami () comment

Doctors, Nurses and Kidney Babies (Blog Jamaica)

2009-10-20 08:32:57

So I happen to get sick last week. I don't know what it must have been menapause, swine flu or whatever new virus is being promoted on CNN. I can't seem to get far enough away from people, nowadays. Anyway after 2 or 3 days of being literally on fire, I was advised to go to the doctor. Gone are the days when I was young and could bounce back from anything. All I had to do was brush my teeth, drink something bitter and get a good night's sleep. Dam being old. At least they did not sent me to Florida. So sit back and let me tell you my story;

So I roll up to the doctor. Never been to the place. It was close to home and I didn't know how long I had to live. They made me sign up, like I'm getting a new email account. I tried to tell them whats wrong but the receptionist didn't seem too interested - she handed me a form and a pen. I filled it out and proceded to wait. Waiting only brought back memories of me waiting for my mother, who is a nurse. Hospitals are all about waiting. I thought I would be in and out but the receptionist was playing hard to get, she must have been a lesbian or a model, she was really skinny, I didn't like her much after she made me wait. I recalled that old woman who died in the wait room in America - they got alot of money but they were now camera here so I was out of luck. She wouldn't listen and sent me off with my file into another room to wait.

I waited.

Eventually I could do nothing else but look at the ceiling fans spinning rapidly. I pondered how easy it would be to get a serious injury from sticking your hands into the blades. I would teach them to make me wait. Then, a nicer, cuter nurse came up to me and she checked my blood pressure - she wouldn't tell me what it was and made be pee in a cup. Pee I had been saving from said morning because I knew they wanted that stuff, pee and blood - dam vampires! I went into the bathroom and filled it halfway up, skillfully, ensuring that nothing was dripping from the sides, I didn't want her to think I was sloppy. She asked me to hold it and she dipped a strip of paper in it and told me to throw it way - WHAT A WASTE! I'm thought she was going to study it! No wonder there were no covers on the little bottles. I was beginning to despise her. I'm sure that she could have few out everything she needed to know just from a few drops like on CSI. What kinda patti shop is this? People are so backwards nowadays. She made me wait.

I waited.

The doctor called me into his little room. I didn't tell him I had looked up my symptomps online and that all the nurses won't listen but I didn't want him to think I was a hypocondriac. So I told him my symptoms. And each time he would ask me a question and he would write it down in my file in very bad hand writing as if he was doing a crime scene report. "Do you have allegies?" he said, "Do pain count as an allergy?" I replied, he didn't get the joke, I could tell he was not pleased. He continued with the questioning. I could see his head spinning like a devil child tied to the bed in The Exorsist movie. I wondered how much he made per month especially since he charged me $1200 JMD just to see him - it must be a tidy sum. I told him I was hot and feverish. He asked the nurse to take my tempture. He when away, probably to count the money he had already earned that day. It was 10am.

I waited.

I stared at the custom made 2 step stairs he had at the side of his operating table. I thought to myself how the conversation would have gone that led to the creation of that block of wood. He must have said; "You know what I need? 2 steps so that really short or old people can easilly climb up on the bed. Yes, I must have them, Nurse! fetch me so steps! 2". I laughed to myself, trying to prevent the themostat from falling from between my arms. I was a little electronic thing. What happened to the cool long glass tubes filled with mecury? Somethings just aren't then same. He came back, said that I'm not burning it up and it might just be all in my head. I wasn't liking him much at this point. I retorted and I demanded some antibiotics. He made me lie on the bed and checked my kidneys and bladder. They seemed ok, thankfully. But he still wasn't sure. He wrote me up some antibiotics and said I should get a Ultrasound scan. I am pretty sure I wasn't pregnanat but I wasn't so sure I had kidneys or a bladder. You never really miss things until they are gone. I would kill 2 birds with one stone and put my doubts to rest.

I took the paper and left. Got an Ultrasound appointment a half an hour later, I wasn't in the mood to waste time and if I left it for another day I might end up never doing it. Worst yet I may be at the US embassy trying to get a VISA and realise that I have no kidneys to give them - I would have no one to blame at that point. I don;t get sick or go to the US, very often, at least so far in my life. I don't know how old people put up with this bull. When I was in high school a classmates said; "you see people like you? when unnu get sick one time, unnu just a go dead!". I didn't like her much after that. I started to look at her differently, like she was a evil obeaya woman. The cap fit me too well.

I could have lived a happy life without her input.

The Ultrasound place was a short distance away but I had to stop at the ATM to withdraw the $5000 it cost to get it done. They said I should drink lots of liquids before I got there so I bought an orange soda. I was tired of the fruit punch I was drinking the day before trying to kill whatever was afflicting me - I was tired of all juice - I was begining to question its purpose. I arrived at the Ultrasound place. They took the paper from me and took my money. They too didn't seem concerned with my symptons. They told me to go into the waiting room and drink more water. I told then I had drank, they said I should drink more until my bladder was full. I asked "but what about my kidneys?", they gave me a funny look and pointed to the cups by the cooler.

I drank.

I was drinking water for about and hour. The taste of water was becoming sickening. I could feel it rushing around in my stomach, it was lunch time and I didn't feel the ugre to urinate. I told them that it was pointless, just let me go in I am sure my bladder is full. This time it was a female, she told me to climb up on to the bed. She didn't seem to have a sense of humor. I wanted the gown but she said all I have to do was pull my shirt up and expose my six-ish pack but then she poured cold gel over me and stared to rub me down. So that what its feels like, cold gel on warm skin, I shuttered like a pregnant woman. She took her probe out and started to rub it across my abs, I could not make out anything on the screen. She exclaimed; "your bladder is empty! go back outside until it full.". Shocked I said to my self; "empty? wtf".

So I spent the next hour drinking water.

Don't ask me where all the water went, but after the 2 hour mark it just decided to rush into my bladder - all at once. I was going to piss my pants for sure. I was pacing around the waiting room until it was my turn again. Same procedure, except this time every move she made across my stomach brought me closer and closer to release. I was seriously fretting. She asked me to inhale and hold, exhale and hold, lie on my side, lie on my back. I tried to look on the screen but I could not tell if I had kidneys, a bladder or even if it was a boy or girl. It was just a mess of rice, not even in HD, unbelievable in this day and age. By the time she was done I was wet all over and on the edge of a cliff ready to jump off - I hope she was satisfied. Afterwards I went to the bathroom, I peeing pure water I could virtually....well, then waited some more. The receptionist called me up and gave me a letter for my newly aquired doctor. "Thats it?" I replied with ernest, "where are the pictures and the print outs and stuff?", "thats all you get" she said. "So how am I going to prove that I have kidneys?" I walked away in disgust. I proceded back to the doctor.

I waited.

"So you have kidneys" he said. "And it appears you have a bladder too, and they are normal". "So oh ok" I replied relieved that I had not flushed then down a toilet or forgot them during a random game of football in high school. "So it appears that there is nothing wrong with you, take the anti-biotics, and you should be better by week's end". I took my file and I left. At least I didn't have to pay to see him a second time. At the end of the day I can say without a doubt - I HAVE KIDNEYS!

by owen () comment

Kool Runnings Water Park Review (Blog Jamaica)

2009-08-26 21:41:48

So the department headed out early-ish in the morning estimating that we would reach there at about 11am driving from Kingston. Such was not the case. Driving south coast from Kingston to Negril will take you between 3 to 4 hours. And not to mention the driver being paranoid about his new rims while dodging the relentless onslaught of tiny little random potholes. I was co-piloting like we were driving in a world class rally. Not to mention trucks, OMG trucks were everywhere. And people wonder why I detest going to the country.

Anyway so we get there and proceed to start a new parking line across the street.

Make sure you have a big breakfast if your heading from Kingston cause the ticket inclusive group food which is limited to burger-fries or chicken-rice-peas may take a while to prepare. Luckily you can buy other food on the compound but expect lines if you get there late. We got there about 1:30 pm, missing all the races in German that day and hungry as hell. Added to the fact that we had to wait outside until our group bands were sorted out.

The rides

Clearly the only reason to go to a water park are the slides. So if your afraid of hieghts or gravity then you may feel a bit bored. They have 2 towers with 3 slides each. The slides on Tower 1 allows you to ride alone in a single tube or take two or three of your friends in a double or triple tube ( I know that sounds naught but keep you mind out of the gutter water). Kool Runnings Water Park is like the beach, but without the annoying sand and salt water.

Hauling the tube up tower 1 means there is almost always a long line. On the other hand Tower 2 offers faster slides and have shorter lines but you can't user to tubes.

Then you have the lazy river which I enjoyed the most because there are no lines, no water up the nose or no near drowning situation to worry about. All you is wait until a tube comes around, you sit in it and the current of the river carries you around and around in a circle, under brigdes and through a section of the park. No hassle or waiting.

There is also a interactive play area for the kids, a Go-Kart track, Anancy Village(mini zoo) and a swamp thing for an additional cost but I missed them because they were on a whole OTHER side of the water park.

Conclusion

The trip was well worth it. Despite the long winding drive back to Kingston, the leaks on a couple sections of the water park and the limited food selection. There are lots of chairs and tables to put your stuff on (which is always a plus) and life guards with whistles. I say its worth 1 or 2 trips for people who like slides and water. For more info check out koolrunnings.com Negril.

by owen () comment

Labour Beach Day (Blog Jamaica)

2009-05-25 09:45:50

Since I've moved to Kingston/Portmore, Labour day seems to be closely associated with the word "beach". I remember when I lived in the country you couldn't even sleep past 6 o'clock. They put the actual "labour" into to labour day. Now I'm as lazy as the common Joe, mostly because I'm a old man and I'm conserving my fat reserves for the winter. But back in the day "when I was a boy", no rock was left un-white-washed or lime-stoned, (whatever they call that white powdered paint). The multiple little projects and the streets in the my community would be "spic and pan" (clean) by lunch time which was important because man caan work without food.

I guess times have changed. Its hard to organize anything in communities like Portmore when the people who live there are like duppy at a nine-night. Even the movie theatre closed 2 years ago - THE ONLY movie theater. But I guess people got to hustle the money. I imagine that the design of the "quads", adds to the whole lack of "community spirit". When you can see two neighbors but only hear the other two through the walls at late hours of the night building furniture, taking it apart or whatever construction them doing.

Back in the country where we used to have 20 to 30 families living in a circle on the side of hills. I remember one time when the entire community gathered to watch me bath in the back yard, time of my life. Flash forward several years later when people live, like rows of corn and a community has a 100 families living and working at all hours, it would be pretty hard to organize anything, much less build a air of trust and camaraderie with each other. There are are small groups here and there, I not even going to mention church people, thats a whole other post. Times change, people change, money changes, maybe we need a "Labour Week" to get things organized. We have the key in or hands all we have to do is find the lock. Off to the beach!

by owen () comment

Paintball - St. Thomas - Lessons learnt (Blog Jamaica)

2009-03-28 18:11:20

In the format of a list for easy reading;

The taller you are the more shots you get in the face.

They make you sign a pre-nup before you can play.

It really only hurts after the first 2 times. After that you don't even feel the pain.

Most women will always camp out for as long as you have ammo in your gun, leading to waiting in vain or loss of load.

You are not too young to get shot in the ass.

Super low jeans will result in lots of ass out a door.

Bring your own juice and food, cause there is nothing there but hot dogs and expensive bottled liquids.

If you shoot the judge you'll have to strip.

The guns have plastic caps that will fly open if you shake the gun or hold it upside down. If your paint pellets fall out, dog nyam you supper because dem not going to let you put them back into the gun.

Apparently small teams of 5 versus 5 is better than big teams. People tend to hide more when there are alot of gunners. I'm not fond of hiders and campers. Dam you all.

People who hold the paintguns up in the air will tend to lose there balls or come on themselves.

The air cans on the guns make them heavy. My wrist is killing me.

The place is really not that far from Kingston. Its a 15 minute drive.

The water paint dries quickly, you may want to wear old clothes.

You get to spent more time if you go in the off season when everybody isn't on holiday. When people are waiting they'll want you off the course as quickly as possible.

One hour is a really, really short time, especially when certain people come late.

Overall it was a good time, well worth the money for the initial go, not sure about the cost for refills or loss of load.

We'd like to thank the women on the other team for the post game entertainment.

Next time we could try some one on one, lol. Just to settle any outstanding grudges.

by owen () comment

Bring you own water (Blog Jamaica)

2009-02-11 08:06:56

You can always expect a price jump in any and everything at an event in Jamaica

by owen () comment

Strange Staff Cuts All Over (Blog Jamaica)

2009-02-07 16:28:38

Now its no doubt that there is a global crisis going on where jobs are concerned. At first I thought my eyes were decieving me as I woke up this morning. I saw something very unusual. From a distance I could smell an awful stench, which usually turns out to be a dead cat or dog of some sort close by.

To confirm my believes I saw a john crow circling up above. To my surprise Mr. John Crow was working solo on the project. I even made sure that I waited to see if the others were at lunch or late for work but Mr. JohnCrow was indeed working alone. So is it that the john crows are cutting back on staff. tek serious ting mek joke, lol. Don't say I didn't told you so. Long time I have seen any egrets either, cows must be cutting staff 2.

by Kenton () comment

Juici beef in Cross Roads (Blog Jamaica)

2009-01-26 13:48:41

I assume the price difference is because they get more walk in traffic

by owen () comment